im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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