i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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