remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. Iโm so sorry that you saw me naked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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