guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
