Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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