that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize