Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
