white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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