she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
