Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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