Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
