i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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