I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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