Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
