AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
