I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize