You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize