In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
