I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
