the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize