somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
