saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you traded sex for a burrito?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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