Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize