Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
