i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
