remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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