your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This show inspires me to have sex in space
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
