somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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