Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
