it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
