This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
