There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
