I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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