They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
