Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize