just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
