I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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