I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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