I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
