drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
