Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
