Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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