I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
