Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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