I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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