Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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