Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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