you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
