can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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