we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pooping to opera.
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