see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
