she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
