omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
