You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize