Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
