I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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