Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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