why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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