Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
