She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
