I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
