Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
