my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize