Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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