she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
