Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
