I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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