Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We left the knife in your bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
