Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
