drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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